#theworst

My whole week... in a picture...

Transfers are coming up on the 22nd so, send letters to the mission office if you think they'll get here after that point.
Also, do you think that you could send me The Best 2 Years soundtrack? I love that music. It's the best. Soundtrack to my life right now. 

It's about time you've got an email with me being honest about my area. People who know me know that I'm not a big complainer- I only complain to those close to me (my parents and super close friends). But this will be honestly hour... seeing as I have dubbed this week: #THEWORST.

I was sick from Sunday until Friday morning.... and literally stayed in bed ALL DAY, ALL WEEK. It was #theworst.

Back to The Best Two Years. 
Sometimes I feel like Elder Rogers- beat up. tired. done. just don't even want to try. and get super nervous when they teach a lesson because they haven't done it in forever.
And yet I feel like Elder Calhoon- remember that scene when he's writing the zero's in his journal and starts to cry? Yeah. That's me. Every week. And I try SO hard- every day.

Kuna is... dead. Everyone in our district is struggling. But my companion and I are falling apart. We had 3 investigators... 1 pretty much dropped us. She won't text or call us back. And we don't have permission to drive to her house. So we're handing her over to some different missionaries. And the other 2... they're moving in a couple weeks. To Arizona. Great. So we're back to 0. Back to square one. 

The 5 referrals that we received from the district tract have pretty much fallen through. 3 of them were actually in a different area. (They tracted in the wrong place.) And the other 2, we contacted, and they just don't seem very interested. But we'll keep trying and going over until they tell us no. 

My past two companions have left the area because... honestly... they couldn't handle it. And neither can my third companion- even though she is a spiritual powerhouse. Each of my comps has eventually had a breakdown and had to leave the area at the end of the transfer. (My companion had a total anxiety attack on Friday. And I had the opportunity of having a "Crap. Where did my companion go?!" moment.) THAT is why I'M still here. No one else can handle it. I've been told by the AP's and my STL's that I'm probably going to be in areas like Kuna for the rest of my mission... because I "handle them well". A.K.A. I don't go crazy and get depressed. 

I will go where the mission president wants me to go. If that means that I'm in slow areas, or with crazy companions, then I'll do it. But it's still a struggle.

Areas like Kuna have you question whether or not you're a good missionary. You start to wonder if you're doing anything right. "Why doesn't anyone want to hear the message of the gospel? Am I not doing enough? Am I doing everything wrong?" Those thoughts run through my mind almost constantly. And when you haven't taught a lesson in months... you really start to question yourself. I try not to get down on myself, because, well, what good is that going to do?! I can't control where I serve or who I talk to or if the people will accept the gospel. Becoming depressed does NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING. You really do CHOOSE to be happy. And I've noticed that difference between my companions and I. I have CHOSEN to be happy- for the rest of my life.
What's funny is that my companions laugh at me because EVERY MORNING- I look in the mirror- and I say to myself, "YOU ARE A FREAKIN AWESOME MISSIONARY! AND IT'S GOING TO BE A FREAKIN AWESOME DAY!" Hey, whatever works, right?

Transfers are coming up on the 22nd- and word on the street is that they're going to combine Kuna 4th ward with another area. Hallelujah. Making a schedule and setting appointments will still be hard- but it should be better. I have a pretty good feeling that I'll be staying in Kuna for another transfer- seeing as my companion has asked to leave. And I have pretty good word from my leaders that that is what's going to happen. 
If I stay here another transfer... I will have spent 6 MONTHS here in Kuna. A THIRD of my mission. 

I'm up for the challenge. This tough area is really all that I know. 
And I know that the Lord is watching out for me.

Every day I pray that Heavenly Father will help me, comfort me, and lift me up. And He does. Every day. 

So, yeah. That's my week. And that's my area. Keeping positive. Keeping up with the work.

--Sister Gubler