Confessions of a Pre-Mi

Hello. My name is Molly. And I am preparing for a mission.

February 5th seemed so far away... until now. I'm almost losing my mind as I'm running to grab last minute skirts, scripture markers, scarves, and medical records.

Wait, wait. Let's go back.

Before I even started thinking seriously about serving a mission, I knew that with whatever I did in life I wanted my experiences to help others. And that's why this blog was created. Not just because I want people to keep up with how I'm doing, but because I want to be REAL. I want people to know how I feel and how I change. And, even better than that, I want them to change with me.

And so it began. I remember it like it was yesterday- as I'm sure we all do. I was sitting with my roommate and her sister at BYU-Idaho when President Thomas S. Monson stood before the church and announced that there would be a change in the missionary age.

(Awesome, right?)

I prayed for a long time after that General Conference. Is this seriously happening to me? This wasn't part of the plan! Am I supposed to do this? Do I even WANT to do this? What if I come back and I lose everything? My plans are going down the drain...  For anyone that knows me, they know that for ANY situation I need a plan. So this was a big deal. I had calculated every step of my life up until I was 21. (Because at 21 I would leave on my mission and I didn't want to think any further than that just yet.) But I kept praying... And it really was a long time.  But- GUESS WHAT PEOPLE- I got an answer. How and why I got that answer are personal, so I'll leave it at that. But always remember D&C 8:2-3:

2 Yea, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart.
 3 Now, behold, this is the spirit of revelation; behold, this is the spirit by which Moses brought the children of Israel through the Red Sea on dry ground.

So, I started my papers. I finished my papers. 

But I couldn't bring myself to push that "submit" button.

Months past. And I'm talking MONTHS. November, December, January, February, March, April.... They just sat there. I just sat there. I found myself sitting through a full year of 4 different mission preparation classes. I was going out with Sister Missionaries in my home ward. I was reading my scriptures and praying every day.

 But I still couldn't press the "submit" button.

I knew that Heavenly Father had a plan for me. I knew that he wanted me to serve a mission. I knew that He wanted something better for me than what I could do for myself while I was sitting in Rexburg. And I knew that His plan was what I wanted for my life. I could not deny that.

From not following the guidance of the spirit, I found myself in a place that I never want to be again. No, I wasn't into drugs and alcohol or going off the deep end and leaving the church. But I just wasn't... happy. I was making mistakes every day that were pulling me further and further away from my Heavenly Father. I was having a hard time feeling the spirit. I questioned serving a mission.

How I got out of that funk was... to be perfectly honest... Just kicking myself in the butt. I didn't like where I was at- so I changed it. I understand that doesn't work for everyone. But it worked for me. I started meeting with my Bishop, talked to my parents more about what I was experiencing, and jumped into service for others. I read my scriptures again. I prayed again. And, most of all...

I found the courage to press the "submit" button.

As I'm sitting here in South Carolina, more than 4 months later, getting ready to leave on my mission, my mom handed me a book by Laurel Christensen called "The Faith Experiment" --> Yes. I'm adding a plug. Everyone should read it. One of the lessons she talks about is accepting God's GREAT plan for us. She shares this quote given by Elder Holland at a BYU Devotional back in 1999.


"Yes, there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been genuine illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now... Don’t give in. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. He wants everyone to be miserable like unto himself. Face your doubts. Master your fears. “Cast not away therefore your confidence.” Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you."
               -Elder Holland, "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence"

I immediately thought back to a few months ago, as I was sitting at my computer, hesitating to press the "submit" button. How much happier would I have been if I had just pressed the button a year ago?!

                                         

  (Probably this happy.) 

Nampa, Idaho- I'll see you in a few weeks!

And as for the rest of you... maybe just the handful of you that read this... I hope that you'll change with me during the next 18 months. Become closer to your Heavenly Father. Accept His plan and follow Him. And, most of all, BE HAPPY!